EXPERATION DATE

My debit card expires this month. Typically there isn’t a need for an announcement. Normally we all just live through the irritating process of updating our auto payments. This is not something you announce on Facebook. At least I didn’t… until 2026.

You see, this month marks the anniversary of when I got my own bank account. The month I put myself first. The month I decided I was important enough not only to leave a marriage, but to put faith in my own future. It was a month when the only money I had to deposit was my current paycheck. No padding. No hidden cash. That electronic check deposit from my employer was it.

I was absolutely terrified, but I moved forward. Tiny step by tiny step. I took hold of my financials… the good, the bad, and the incredibly ugly… and I marched.

It was the month my friends showed me they truly love me. It was also the month I realized that I truly love myself.

February 2023 was the month and year I started over, afraid. And in February 2026, I find myself living a life I love. One filled with gratitude, happiness, and eagerness to keep marching.

GRIEF TO GRATITUDE

What’s the opposite of grief?
I’m not sure, but it’s here.
I assume it’s joy instead of despair,
leaping forward instead of static.

Seven years in, and your spirit is still here.
It guides me. It pushes me.
It makes me see things brightly.
It’s beautiful.

You are a part of me. Joy.
Life isn’t the same. Acceptance.
My tears fall differently now,
filling up my ocean of gratitude.
Not sadness. Not sorrow.

What’s the opposite of grief?
Serenity.
Missing you is expressed love.
Loving you is forever.

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider

TELL ME

How does it work? Heaven?
Tell me about the place you lost faith in.
Did the warmth and love undo you?
Did it feel like you always belonged?

How does it look? Heaven?
Are the colors deeper? Does time still tick?
Does the air hum with music? Do you finally know you're enough?
Are your thoughts now quiet, your soul made whole?

How does it feel? Heaven?
Were you greeted just like we’re told?
With long-awaited hugs, multiplied by forever?
Can you finally receive all the love?

How does it restore you? Heaven?
Has God wrapped His arms around you?
Is He like a radiant sunrise that never sets?
Did He tell you… you were always His?

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider for my friend Andy Conrad 1973-2025

A QUIET PLACE

The sun is lucky to shine for you
The pull of the moon is privileged too
The stars pose to catch your gaze
The night itself bends to your ways

The magic you bring has been unseen
Noble, refined, and everything between
My heart has leapt, it’s fallen, it's flown
So seen, so held, no longer alone

Your eyes see who I am and can be
Your honesty itself makes me feel free
The space you fill is both soft and strong
I have not a doubt it’s where I belong

No fire could warm me quite like your name
It deepens my breath and steadies my flame
No mask, no fear, just honesty
With you and this love is where I’m meant to be

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider

NOT YOUR FAULT

 

 

In memory of my friend

ANDY CONRAD

May 14, 1973 - May 28, 2025 

_______________________

Loving you big

Didn’t save you

Accepting your faults

Didn’t save you

Being your friend

Didn’t save you

 

I don’t carry a burden

I carry sadness

I don’t carry blame

I carry grief

I don’t carry regret

I carry heaviness

 

Loving you was easy

Loving yourself was hard

You called yourself a nuisance

But I promise you never were

 

Your demons were lifelong

I blame them, not you

I hugged you so tight

I knew it was my last

 

Ending it wasn’t a choice

It was the only thing you saw

Your clouded mind couldn’t see

This was never your fault

 

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider

 

CROSSROADS

Up, down, left, right
Where to go, hang on tight
Not in circles, not behind
Forward only, even blind

Confusion, foggy, not quite sure
Lighthouse ahead, even if blurred
Faith, trust, add some fear
All work together, makes things clear

Complete clarity, that’s the goal
Eyes fixed, you’re in control
Warm light appears through the murk
Trust it or don’t, it’s lots of work

Even when heavy, things will be light
Follow your gut, about to take flight
End is near, struggles will fade
Abundance is yours, just like you prayed

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider

 

FRIDAY MORNING MUSE

Many plates spinning.

None are controlled.

Wobbly and fast.

Be patient, I’m told.

Not related to each other.

But perhaps they are.

Just need them to stop.

Stop without a scar.

Trauma keeps surfacing.

In such random ways.

Causes confusion.

Lost in a corn maze.

Faith is strong.

The plates will slow.

Bad turns into good.

Through patience, I’ll grow.

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider

UNBROKEN SPIRIT

Through the rubble, I emerge.
My scars are my glue.
Pain propels me into action.
I wasn’t held down, I flew.

My past has a purpose.
Acknowledge and rise.
It’s through fear that I grow.
More aware, more wise.

Love has its limits.
This I now know.
Can’t fix you, can fix me.
I will prove, I will show.

My heart beats anew.
A life to reclaim.
With strength in my spirit,
I embrace my own name.

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider

 

MATTERS NOT

Far or near, it matters not

Standing alone with all that I got

The distance unknown, the journey ahead

Move forward, chin up, be strong they said

 

Crawling, running or tip-toeing to test

A gentle push, then a gentle rest

My view is imagined, but could be a fact

No way to know, just stay on track

 

The future will reveal my story untold

Uneven terrain, but my heart is bold

My toolbox is heavy with all I may need

Searching for focus, can I follow your lead

 

Discarded untruths, letting go of the waste

Not holding onto things I can’t see, can’t taste

The unknown can be beautiful, and I do believe

One day I’ll look back at all I’ve achieved

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider

POLLUTION

Nearly 15 years. That’s a long time.
I tried with my all. Ignored red sign.
Now I’m stuck dealing with shit.
Go go go. I just want to sit.

Made of money. Sure why not.
Pay for it all. Endless pot.
He refuses. Certainly not shocked.
His sad stories. My heart is locked.

He says he still loves me. I don’t care.
But still digs deep enough for a prayer.
Please go away. Live your own life.
I tried so hard to be a good wife.

Apologizing profusely is his solution.
All this does is cause me pollution.
Getting a rise. He knows I can be soft.
My future is bright. No matter the cost.

Written by Rebecca Grace Snider