Sometimes when I’m around small children I like to make stuff up just to see if they’ll believe me. See how far I can go. Once I convinced a three year old that everyone’s feet were removable at the ankle. She was leery at first. She asked questions. I had answers. Within 10 minutes she was a believer. I explained to her the mechanics of how your ankle unscrews. She cautiously nodded “yes” when I asked her if she wanted a demonstration. I had her leg across my lap, one hand on the bottom of her tiny bare foot and the other around her ankle. I formed a good grip and started to slowly twist. I don’t think a full second passed before she realized that I was making it up.
Of course, I’m not always potentially physically harmful.
Every so often I’ll go through a drive-thru and get a kid’s meal. Yeah, for me. An adult. I always get it with a large Diet Coke though. As we all know, these meals come with a stupid, cheap toy. In the past I’ve tossed the toy in the trash without a second thought. But for some reason lately I’ve felt guilty trashing this useless thing. I have no idea why.
A co-worker of mine has a four year old daughter. Several weeks ago I started putting the toy in her in-box which is mounted on the wall. I never said anything about it. I just did it. Last week she caught me red-handed. The toy was in my grasp and I had a guilty look. I was caught. She told me that she was wondering where the toys were coming from and that her daughter loves the whole surprise of it all. At the risk of sounding all sappy, this kinda made me feel good. I asked her not to tell her daughter that it was me. I handed my co-worker the toy and said, “… because I am the Toy Fairy.”
Later that night...
Mommy: Look honey! There was another toy in my box for you!
4 year old: anotha towee?
Mommy: This one’s a squirt gun.
4 year old: momma, where do day come fwom?
Mommy: The Toy Fairy leaves them in my box so I can bring them home to you.
4 year old: towee faiwee? weely momma? weely???
Mommy: Really!!
4 year old: are you fo weel momma? fo weel?
Mommy: Yes, I'm for real, honey!
After hearing about this sweet conversation, I’ve taken my Toy Fairy responsibilities very seriously. I got a kid’s meal for lunch yesterday, but when I got back to work I realized that there wasn’t a toy in the bag. Man, I was TICKED. Grrrrrr! Not a good idea to mess with the Toy Fairy because I hear she has aggression issues.
My co-worker has been telling people about the Toy Fairy. Luckily she hasn’t mentioned my name, so my anonymity remains safe. Yesterday she found a note in her box from a couple of the interns:
“We want to be visited by the Toy Fairy, too!”
You know, this can easily get out of hand. I’d love to be the Toy Fairy to the two interns, however, this would mean that I’d need to consume more kid’s meals. Not good. Plus the other interns will get jealous and want to be on the Toy Fairy list as well. Where will it end?
How does Santa do it??? Would I need to start taking applications for Fairy Elves? Well, this would open up a whole new set of issues. I would have to design costumes for me and my elves. Plus, I would like to call them something other than “elves”. I wouldn’t want Santa to sue me. I’d have to make it mandatory that the elves consume kid’s meals to help with the collecting of the toys. I’d have to hire a lawyer to draw up some “revealing the identity of the fairy will result in your death” paperwork. I’d have to figure out an elf interviewing process that wouldn’t give my identity away… just in case they’re not hired. Then there’s the Toy Fairy logo and website…
Now I’m stressed.
I felt that it was too early in the Toy Fairy development to have so much stress. So, I decided that these two interns needed to work for it. After all, they’re not four. They’re in college. Things aren’t free anymore.
Through a secret transaction, I gave them a note:
I am the Toy Fairy. Small children automatically have faith. In order to receive, you must believe. Prove to me your faith and you will be blessed.
- The Toy Fairy
Apparently they were REALLY excited about the note. My source (co-worker) tells me that the two interns are trying to think of a way to prove their worthiness to the Toy Fairy. They’re creative kids, so I’m interested to see what they come up with.
Guess I need to go to the dollar store and load up on some stupid toys. Sheesh. I can only eat so many kid’s meals.
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