Like a Virgin

I am about to embark on new territory. In a split second I decided to experience something new… something I never ever have done before… something that millions of people do each and every day.

I bought fabric softener.

Yes, as much as I hate to add to the “she’s pathetic” evidence that I have stupidly exposed already on my blog, I will now admit that I am a Fabric Softener Virgin. Shocking I know. People use this stuff all the time, but I have, until now, remained at arms length away from it.

Does this stuff really work? After one load, will I be convinced that my fabrics are actually softer?

I don’t recall my mother using it when I was a child. When I was 16 or so, I was instructed that I would take on the responsibility for my own laundry, ironing, cleaning and most of my own cooking. Good decision on mom’s part. However, I don’t remember the fabric softener step in our Laundry 101 class. Receiving these responsibilities really only made me figure out shortcuts. So it’s highly possible that I ignored that portion of the lesson. I self admit that I am not a domestic queen, but I do my best. And since I live by myself, there’s no one here to complain.

I’m not anti fabric softener per say. I don’t think it’s from the devil himself. I don’t segregate my friends into two groups – the ones who use and the ones who don’t. I don’t even think it’s been a topic of conversation. That would be a pretty boring conversation. Which raises an eyebrow on why I would even consider blogging about it.

I think I’ve avoided the whole fabric softener matter because there are things that I don’t understand. I mean, why do we even have it? Why doesn’t the laundry detergent just do it all? There are even shampoos that wash and condition in one take. I can’t personally use them because it makes my hair incredibly flat and yucky – but nevertheless, these shampoos still exist. I think the detergent companies should do the same.

I was in Wally World the other night picking up a few odds-n-ends. I love WalMart. It’s got e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I was in the laundry aisle picking up some of that wrinkle release stuff… which is another proof of my life-learned-shortcuts. I grabbed the bottle off the shelf without even slowing down and then suddenly on my right I notice a sea of fabric softeners. I stop. I stood there staring at the bottles and began to ask myself a crap load of questions…

Does it actually work?

Will my new sheets benefit?

Am I the only one in America who hasn’t used it?

Am I missing out on something here?

I decided then and there that life was too short. I needed to step out of my box and live it up. After taking a mental survey of the different products available, I decided to throw my money into Downy with Frebreze. Since I’m a fan of Frebreze, I figured this might be a great way to start. Start with what I know. With what I am familiar. What I trust. Ok, I was overwhelmed with the choices and I just grabbed it.

When I got home, I did the geeky thing and read the label. I love reading labels. I can read the same cereal box label every day as if it was going to tell me something different. As if it would change from “lowers cholesterol” to “lose ten pounds in ten days” over night. I’m too afraid I might miss some important piece of information. So, bottle in hand, I read the label in its entirety. Spanish words and all… I like to see which words I recognize, which is usually very few. When I got to the ingredients, I chuckled out load…

Ingredients: Contains biodegradable fabric softening agents.

What in the hell else would be in there? Why even include the “ingredients” on the freakin label? How vague. Does the label on your hand soap only say “contains crap that makes your hands clean”?

I haven’t used it yet, which brings up another question: Do you people just hang out at the washing machine, waiting for this infamous “final rinse” to occur? Do you have a comfy chair or do you just lean on the washer staring at the dial waiting for it to click over into the next section?

I sure hope my $5 is well invested. This stuff has 52 loads to try and convince me.