I’m not sure if you can still buy Calgon, but I think I could be in one of their commercials right now and represent the product quite proudly.
I wouldn’t care how big the production crew and how many cameras there are. Show me a warm bath overflowing with bubbles and I’d strip down and jump in quicker than… well… quicker than I can eat a bag of those new dark chocolate M&M’s… because it’s really a coin toss which I need worse.
I don’t know why they use those perfect-haired-models in bubble bath commercials. They don’t look like they’ve had a rough day. Or week. Or month. Or life. These so-called-creative ad agencies need to use a strung out woman with six kids and a traveling husband. Distract her kids with lighters, open outlets, and sharp objects and put her in a peaceful bubble bath for 15 minutes. Let’s see if she comes out a new woman. If she does, I’m sold. Reality commercials. It should be the next fad.
Putting a jackhammer to my head just might possibly release some of the pressure.
I don’t even think I’d feel it. While spring may sprout beautiful flowers, it brings hell to my sinuses. Really, put a nail on either side of my nose and go get a hammer. I’ll wait. I wonder if Calgon has a medicinal line of products. It would be awesome if I could sink into a tub of bubbles to escape life while simultaneously treat a sinus infection. Bring me a shot of tequila while you’re at it. That always helps.
This blog is going to take me forever to write because I keep stopping to scrunch up my face. Somehow closing my eyes really tight and wrinkling my nose makes the pressure a whopping 2% better. And of course then I see dots when I open my eyes, and by the time it takes to refocus on the computer screen, I’ve completely lost track of thought.
…now where was I...
Oh, I was discussing the pros and cons of capital punishment. Wait, no I wasn’t. I was talking about how I’m in desperate need of a little R&R. A get-a-way. Time off. An escape. At least that’s where my topic was headed. Whether it’s in the form of a vacation or in a vat full of suds, I need some time to regroup.
I went on a long nature walk by the
Camera in pocket, I wanted to be prepared in case I saw something photo worthy. But the only picture I took was of a couple of fishermen. Instead the walk turned into an hour of self-help. A prayer walk. Meditation. You know what I’m talking about because we’ve all been there. It’s that moment of truth when we finally realize how screwed up we really are. No matter how perfect we try to be, we’re all just as dysfunctional as the next.
As my not-so-modest dog took a lovely dump on the river bank, I tried to think of solutions to my life’s obstacles. I’ve been here before. I’ve blogged about it before. Why does it take us so long to learn? I realize that I’m trying to resolve issues that are out of my control. But even though things are beyond my power, doesn’t mean that I’m not directly affected by them. But then there are those times when I’m totally in control, yet I keep banging my head against the same wall.
Why do we do this? Why can’t we just fix our problems and move on? I’ve come to believe that those who say they fix their problems and move on, are lying. We are all a slave to something – be it a person, an addiction, a situation, ourselves. It gets us all. None of us are safe. We’ll criticize someone for making a bad choice and then we go home, shut the door and live silently in our own stupidity or shame.
The morning walk rejuvenated me. It made me feel productive.
So when I got home I decided to continue the theme by doing a little house cleaning. I turned on my nifty Roomba and let it run around the house vacuuming while I… well… took a nap on the couch. June Cleaver would be SO jealous. The Roomba is a marvelous invention but, like me, it gets stuck in tough situations. It gets trapped under a chair and keeps running into the same four legs until it finds a way to wiggle out between them. If a Roomba can figure out how to wiggle its way out of repeating the same thing over and over again, so can I. Right? That was a hypothetical question by the way. Your honest answer is not needed.
As much as I would love to continue this enjoyable, deep, psychological evaluation of my thoughts…
I feel like my head is going to explode any second. No more need for the nails and hammer. Surely the explosion will relieve some of the pressure. I just googled Calgon and they do still sell it. Sure wish I had some. There are several things I’d like to drown in those suds.
And I’m serious about the reality commercials. Palmolive has sure passed up some great after-Christmas-dinner opportunities to show us in real time how it "works like magic to bust away stuck-on food." And in case you’re wondering… no, I don’t consider those staged infomercials as reality commercials.
Ok, off to bury my head in between two pillows in hopes of accidentally suffocating myself. At least for eight hours anyway.
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1 comment:
I would simply suggest going away, running, moving elsewhere. Everyone knows that your problems would not follow you if you were to do so, as they would not do so with anyone. They simply do not do follow people wherever they go. Problems like to stay close to home and they hate change more than anything.
I would hope you would accept this sound and valid solution to any problem that could possibly ever arise in your life. I know that running from my problems have been an immence help to me. I even got to see the world this way.
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