It's not over until the fat lady sings. Sings badly.

It was while I was contemplating what to eat for dinner when it hit me.

Trying to decide between a Healthy Choice pizza and a bowl of cereal, my mind changed topics. Food became a secondary need. I suddenly became sad. Lost. And there was nothing I could do to fulfill this overwhelming desire.

American Idol isn’t on tonight.

Call me a junkie, but I really get off watching the stupid people audition. The past two nights I have sat on my couch, knees pulled up, and biting my nails as I watched these wishful thinkers stand there and give it their all. It’s quite sad really. Well, it’s sad in an uncontrollable laughter kind of way. I think to myself, “Why did his mother and friends LIE to him?” Why would they encourage him to embarrass himself on national television? Who hates him this much?

Of course every child is told “you can do anything you want in life” or “if you can dream it, you can be it.” Although I understand the message behind these cheerleader phrases, they are simply not true. A child cannot be anything they want. American Idol proves it.

What is your passion? What are you good at?

And how confident are you that you are actually that good? If you had to present your talent to three highly paid professionals in your field, how confident are you that you would meet their approval?

If I had to gather up some of my best graphic designing work and present them… I’d probably be a no-show. There are way too many designing tips and tricks that I’d like to learn before I put myself through that turmoil.

I agree that confidence is a good thing. It makes you appear strong, attractive and helps during job interviews and dates. But these auditioning idiots walk into that room with a kind of confidence I don’t understand. Is false-confidence still confidence? Basically, no matter how confident you are, there’s always that chance that you’re not as good at your hobby/job as you think.

On last night’s show, a girl completely bombed in her audition even after building herself up as having star quality. Totally shocked by the judges’ truthful remarks, she refused to believe that she was anything less than perfect. She was horrible! Everyone in the United States knows this. Well, everyone except for her and her dedicated mother. After being humiliated and rejected, her mother comforted her by telling her that she must have just been nervous because she was a really good singer. WHAT? Did I miss something?

“If you can dream it, you can be it.” No, you can’t.

My mother teaches multi-handicapped kindergarteners. And, yes, the family joke is that she was inspired after raising me.

The majority of kindergarteners have difficult home lives in addition to being blind, deaf and/or in a wheelchair. Mom is a natural nurturer and gives those kids more love and attention than they probably do anywhere else. She struggles when a little girl in a wheelchair says she wants to be a ballerina. Or when a boy who is blind can’t wait until he’s old enough to drive a race car.

Aren’t we supposed to tell every five year old that they can accomplish anything? How do you look into that little girl’s eyes and say “No, you can’t be a ballerina.” Simply: you don’t. You just pray that as she gets older she realizes what dreams are realistic and what aren’t.

These American Idol wanna be’s never figured this part out.

The “you can do anything” gave them a false sense of self. They will continue to believe they can sing while there’s proof on tape that they can’t. They’re doing nothing more than wasting their life chasing a hopeless dream while ignoring the fact that they have other untapped talents.

I will have to wait until Tuesday to see another addicting episode of American Idol. I will be predictably sitting on my couch, knees pulled up and biting my nails. I find utter joy in these idiots’ false sense of confidence.

Their mothers and friends should be shot, but because of my selfish need for entertainment, I want to tell them “thank you.”