Shut 'er down.

I want to reboot my life.

Like millions of people, I work on a computer all day and well into the night. Every so often the computer runs slow. Or it may not like a certain file. Whatever the reason, sometimes I have to reboot. I have to shut down, wait ten seconds and turn it back on. Why? Because – like most of us – it needs to regroup. Refocus. Reorganize files and start over again.

In fact, I had to reboot my little, hand-me-down laptop about five minutes ago. And I found myself being jealous of it. As I waited for the sign-on screen to appear, I wished that I had a reboot button myself. That I had a way of just shutting it all down and then starting up fresh.

My laptop is working fine now. Before I rebooted, it was running a little slow and just didn’t seem to want to do what I asked it. What I needed. I needed it to work for me, but instead it was working against me. We were playing against each other in a technical fist fight. I gave up and rebooted.

I feel like my life is sometimes a fist fight.

Always trying to learn new ways to maneuver myself so I won’t get too hurt. Learning new boxing moves. Although at times I can make it through without getting too badly beat, sometimes it causes me to run slow. It causes me to struggle to do those things in my life that I need the most. It causes me to have less confidence than I should. It would be great if I could just shut it down so all my life files can fall gracefully into correct order.

Of course there are certain life files that I would rather not have. That’s when uninstall would come in handy.

I realize that rebooting one's life is not an original thought. The comparison is not new. I’m not breaking new blogging ground here. But it is – however – a grand idea.

I feel it would give me opportunities that I’m too busy or slow or fragmented to take. Reboot to a clear mind and a fresh start. Maybe I would then be willing to overcome my fear of horses or flying insects. Or accept life change. Or do something crazy and unimaginable like asking a guy out.

Without a button, how does one reboot?

Vacations are great. I love them. But they don’t reboot me. I can spend an entire week far away, enjoying every minute of it, but still manage to come back un-rebooted. Things don’t change while I’m on vacation. They just get postponed.

This makes me think that rebooting is something that must be done here – while being present in my own life. I can’t change the colors of my own painting while I’m off gallivanting in Grand Cayman. I have to be here. In my life. Brushes and paints in hand.

Who are you?

My computer’s sign-on screen asks me who I am. Without any hesitation, I click “Becca” and enter a password that opens me up to this marvelous technical world.

When I figure out how to reboot my life, I hope that when asked who I am, I’m not so quick to give a habitual response.