Body Butter

This blog will have no relevance. No point. It will not have any impact on… well anything. You will click away after reading it and – most likely – forget that you even read it. It will just be about something that has greatly affected my life in the smallest way possible.

It’s about body butter.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been obsessed with lotion. Yup. Lotion. I have all kinds. In every room. Even a couple of bottles in my office at work. I buy lotion just because I want to. At times, it has become a problem. It’s more than just the fact that I’m a girl. I realize that lotion can be a girly thing – but it goes way beyond that. I don’t obsess over perfumed lotions. I don’t necessarily collect the “flavor of the month” like apple, cucumber, vanilla. It’s your good ole plain, unscented, run of the mill kind of lotion.

You see, I have this issue. This mental thing. This psychological problem that occurs when my hands are too dry. When they are parched, it seems I can’t breathe. Really. It’s like if I don’t get lotion NOW, I will suffocate. Of course it’s not just only my hands. It’s everywhere. Yes, I realize that this sounds a little odd. A little quirky. But, I am a woman of quirks – if you haven’t already noticed. Although I brush them off as part of my charm, others may view them as symptoms of OCD. I think “charm” sounds better.

I fed my obsession last week when I bought something called Body Butter made by Aloette. I love Aloette products, so I figured Body Butter must be right up my alley. It comes in a tube that when you push from the bottom, the solid substance rises through the top. Got it?

After a shower the other day, I break open this tube of body butter to give it a twirl. I proceeded in my usual application-of-the-lotion routine by smearing this stuff all over. Before I knew it I had a problem… I looked like a freakin greased up body builder wanna be. I was glistening in the bathroom light. When I stared at myself in the mirror and I swear I could see my own reflection bouncing off my body.

This created a problem since I had to quickly get ready for work. This means clothes. Clothes on top of a greased up body is NOT an attractive feeling. If I still had my old waterbed, I could have easily turned it into a slip-n-slide. So I began the process of rapidly rubbing it in which really made it worse. I literally had to stand there and just wait it out. Gee, THAT was fun.

Took a while, but everything worked out okay. Actually, after all of it was absorbed I was pretty dag-gum soft. Too bad I’m the only one who got to feel of me.

Lesson learned? Don’t apply so much. I’ve done it since then and it worked perfectly. Not sure why I needed to share this personal information, but I figured that surely I’m not the only one in the whole world who has had issues with too much lotion.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.