Exceeding Joy

About three years ago, I was approached with this question:

“Have you ever experienced exceeding joy?”

I’ve been trying to answer that question for three years now because I’ve never been happy with my automatic “no” response. I’ve turned the table and asked others this question, and it seems that the answers always fall into three categories…

• "When I got married": This is the number one response.
  
• "Children": Running in close second, people say the birth or raising of their children.
• "No": This would be the ONLY other response I’ve received and it has always come from people who have never been married and have no children.

Exceeding: to go beyond limits; to extend beyond or outside of.

I asked this question to some single friends Tuesday night as we hung out at Starbucks sipping our lattes and hot chocolate. After the question was presented, everyone sat there in deep thought. Looking up at the sky as if searching for a memory, everyone struggled to remember one experience that would qualify as exceeding joy. I would think that an “exceeding joy” experience wouldn’t be that easy to forget.

They confirmed even more the demographics of my survey results. They are single adults and their answer is “no”. One of us in the group just purchased a brand new, fully loaded truck. He said that he was VERRRY happy about his new pimped-up-ride, but he couldn’t say he was exceedingly joyful about it.

Even though I’m sure everyone can experience exceeding joy, I am curious to know why it’s always the same “when I got married” or “when my daughter was born” answers. Surely there are more memories in life that cause this overwhelming emotion.

Today was the day I changed my answer.

I’ve experienced joy. Many times. I’m joyful hanging out with a good friend. I’m joyful finding a great pair of shoes on sale. I would even consider it joy when someone else does my yard. But exceeding? No.

I had an experience today that actually had a mixture of emotions: joyfulness, happiness, amazement, humbleness… among many others, I’m sure. Being a woman, I can feel all these emotions at once.

I have a friend of several years who has been fighting multiple battles for many years. When I met her, she was at her lowest. She was addicted to very hard drugs, homeless, serious mental issues and being abused by her “boyfriend” who sold her for money on a regular basis. Our paths crossed because she was worried about her dog that was also being abused. I took the dog home and we became friends.

I won’t go into all the stories I’ve experienced with her. They are very dark and some people thought I was crazy. Literally. I was doing my best to help her without being taken advantage of. And that is quite a challenge. My unbreakable rules were difficult explaining for the 20th time to someone wacked out on crack. But even in her lowest moment, she was still a person of worth who needed someone sane in her world who believed that… because she couldn’t.

She asked me for money only once. It was for $20 and I gave it to her only as a test. A test that I – honestly – thought she would fail. I was wrong. She paid me back every last cent… she paid me with money she begged from people at various gas stations and stop lights. No matter how she got the money, this was a huge forward leap because it showed responsibility on her part and trust on mine.

She came to see me today.

I recognized her familiar voice in the hallway, “Where’s Becca’s office?” I turned around to see her standing there with a huge white teddy bear. She looks awesome. She’s been clean and on proper medication since January 29, 2006. She no longer weighs 90lbs. She had make-up on, brushed hair and a colorful sweater that brightened her face. And she’s got new upper and lower teeth that she proudly showed me.

“You look great!!!!”

“Ohh, I’ve gained too much weight, but if that’s my only problem now, I’m doing okay.”

“Who cares about the weight. You’re beautiful.”

“Becca, I love you and I want you to have this.”

She hands me this big white teddy bear that has gold wings attached to its back and a gold halo on its head.

“For me? Wow. Thank you, but you didn’t have…”

“I want you to have it. You’ve been my guardian angel and when I saw it, it reminded me of you.”

Up until today, I defined “exceeding joy” wrong.

It’s deeper than the default answers I’ve received. Or at least how I viewed them. It’s not just a one-time experience, but maybe an entire process where exceeding joy slowly reveals itself. She showed me this today. It’s the connection that she and I have. It’s going through everything that we’ve experienced and coming out on top. It’s her knowing what it’s like to think clearly. It’s me being a part of that. It’s knowing that the hundredth time at rehab worked for her. It’s finally seeing the white of her eyes, her clear skin and new teeth. It’s the feeling that I’m loved and appreciated for doing nothing more than being a friend. She is a miracle and I am amazed that I’ve had the chance to witness it.

Up until October 18, my answer was, “No. I’ve never experienced exceeding joy.” On October 19, I have changed my answer.