Sure hate it when I learn something about myself...

The other day I was flipping through the channels.

It was one of those afternoons where there’s a fine line between stupid TV and entertaining TV. So there I was going back and forth between “Cannon Ball Run” and some made-for-TV-movie starring either Susan Lucci or Linda Carter, when I found something actually quite interesting.

It was called “When I was a Girl”…

It’s a documentary exploring the life journeys of several well known women (actresses, athletes, politicians, authors, etc.), looking at where they are now in life and focusing on who and what inspired them when they were young. They talked about what ways their personalities evolved from children into teenagers into adults.

I don’t know about your life, but mine can get pretty hectic. Sometimes I get so bogged down with what needs to be done now that I forget who I really am… what got me here. I have forgotten that my biggest goal as a child was to own the entire collection of Barbie dolls, including the townhouse and convertible. I got pretty close to that goal, too. I even owned the Donny, Marie and Cher dolls. But then I sadly grew up.

If I close my eyes, I can remember running down to the creek near our house, taking off my shoes, walking through the cold water and feeling the moss between my toes. At that time in my life, the definition of success was catching the most tadpoles. Things sure have changed.

This TV show made me remember these things. It gave me an excuse to be able to sit back and think about fun stuff . . . when things weren’t so serious. When the worst thing in my life was when I couldn’t wear my snazzy red cowgirl boots EVERY day along with my favorite shirt that had “Becca” proudly embroidered on the back.

The documentary also brought up an interesting question:

If you could go back in time and talk to yourself at different ages, what would you say? What advice would you give the younger you?

There are a lot of things I’d like to say to the younger-Becca, that’s for sure.

I wish I had been a little more observant. I wish I had paid closer attention to what was going on around me at home, instead of putting all my energy into making sure every square inch of my bedroom walls were covered in Duran Duran, Rick Springfield, John Stamos, Michael Jackson and Van Halen posters.

I wish I had learned the value of a buck before I made the choice to collect credit cards just because they had pretty colorful designs. This would have saved me six years of working three jobs just to pay them all off.

I would also encourage myself in areas where I now know I would’ve been really good. Tell myself that creativity is not a sign of weakness, but in fact it’s something to be quite proud of. Embrace it, grow it, and let it take me outside the box.

I would tell myself to be a risk-taker. Get out there. Take a chance. Most chances are worth taking. That the only reason to NOT take a risk is because I’ve weighed the pros and cons… and NOT because I’m not worth the effort or the result. If I had realized that all those years ago, I wouldn’t be struggling so hard with it now.

I’m sure I can keep going with the “what-if’s”. But I do think that if I was able to go back and tell the younger-me these things, it would lessen some of today’s insecurities.

On this television show, these famous women also discussed the people in their lives that influenced them the most.

For me, I would have to say my Granddaddy.

He and I always had a special bond. A connection. It is indescribable. He’s been gone for several years now and I think and smile about him daily. Always will. I still hang onto his old brown leather cap that he always wore. I have a picture on my office desk of the two of us. I have an original painting of him that my uncle-the-artist painted for me. Granddaddy was the sweetest, most generous man anyone could meet. He was a man of integrity, had a quiet passion for God, and had no desire to live anything other than his simple life. No matter how scared I got or how much trouble I was in, I could count on him to love me. He loved me. Not just because I was his granddaughter, but because he knew I was worth loving. And he would have loved you, too.... just because you are you.

Memories are strange things to me.

Sometimes they are clear as day. Sometimes they are so vague that I wonder if they really happened. What childhood memory makes you smile? If you could go back for just a few hours and be five again, what would you do?

I would catch tadpoles with Granddaddy.