The Perfect Man

I read an article recently titled “Shopping for a Spouse”. The author wrote about how most of us create a “list” when shopping for a companion. I’m guilty. I have a list. It seems that the older I get, the longer my list gets, too. It’s not like I have it actually written down. It’s a virtual list. Somehow that seems less pathetic. I guess, for most of us, we begin writing our list when we are teenagers. When I was in high school I didn’t realize that I was forming a list, but I was. It probably didn’t actually take on the list form until I was in my early 20’s.

Teeth.

I’ve been described as picky. Although I deny it, I guess there’s probably some truth to it. There are those times when not being picky has seemed to backfire. Once I found myself on a date with the eternal college student. You know the type: it’s been 20 years since they graduated from college, yet, they still party and carry on as if they are still part of the fraternity. Another time I was on a first date with a guy who felt the need to tell me all of his medical problems . . . and that was just during the appetizer. Bad situations like these send me into the edit list mode. In fact, the list has seemed to now fork into two different lists: the “gotta have” list and the “no way” list. Thankfully the content of the list has changed since I was a teenager. I no longer require my man to like Duran Duran or to take me to Taco Kid once a week.

My list has matured along with my age. I require that he have good hygiene, a good sense of humor, financial stability, and, above all, the ability to put up with me. I guess he also has to have teeth. Can’t forget the teeth . . . which reminds me of story that I won’t share with you. My list is obviously quite a bit more detailed than the five examples before mentioned. But just in case my future husband is reading this article, I'll refrain from going into much detail since I don’t want to scare him off.

SWM ISO

Do guys make lists like women do? It makes me wonder what’s on it. I hope the next poor sap that I date doesn’t show me his list. I have no doubt that I will never be able to live up to it. Not that I’m putting myself down, it’s just that if everyone wore their list on the back of their shirt, would anyone get a date?

There are the general polite terms that we apply to our future mates: compassionate, funny, gentle, goal oriented, funny, good job, assertive, funny, etc. If a guy had his list displayed on the back of his shirt, I’m pretty confident that I would be able to check off several of them. However, I would definitely have to take myself out of the running if his shirt said he was looking for someone who is 5’8”, 24, a red head and wealthy. But you know, I guess it would be nice to know that up front before I waste my time, huh?

It's raining men.

I don’t know if you know much about this E-Harmony Internet thing, but I have a couple of friends that are members. They seem to be happy with their cyber success so far. My friend, Bubba (name has changed to protect the guilty), joined the site a couple of months ago. He’s been chatting it up with several women and has narrowed his focus down to five. The reason I bring this whole thing up is because when you register for the site, they ask you a jillion questions about who you are, what you like, what you’re looking for and what you’re not looking for.

I have no intentions on becoming a member of the E-Harmony family, however, I did fill out the questionnaire. It was really interesting to sort through my “kind of man I want” mental filing cabinet and transferring the data into the computer. I went as far as I could without paying for anything. And, believe me, the questionnaire is pretty detailed. It took me about an hour to fill it all out. They’ve matched me up with more men in the central Arkansas area than I would know what to do with. So, if you’re matched up with someone named Becca in Little Rock, chances are you’ll never hear from me because I ain’t payin’. I’m just too much of a traditional girl to go that route. I wish Bubba all the harmony luck in the world.

Great expectations.

So, you’re asking yourself, “What’s this babbling blog all about?” Frankly, I’m not sure. It’s a mixture of things really. For one, I feel it’s okay to have a list - just as long as you don’t shut out all of us nice gals because we’re vertically challenged. I can always change the color of my hair, but I can’t make myself grow taller. Not even for you. Secondly, make sure your list is healthy. I’m pretty sure that mine is, although I’m sure I have friends that would disagree. There are things on my list that I will not budge on, but generally I feel that it’s a guideline.

On E-Harmony you answer specific questions about what type of person you’re looking for. The problem is this: The more specific you are, the less likely it is that you’ll get a lot of matches.

This is the problem in real life as well. There should be a give and take on some stuff. I won’t be able to live up to someone’s list (a.k.a. expectations) 100% and neither will he on mine. But isn’t that okay? Do we want someone perfect or do we want someone perfect for us?